a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
