as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
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The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We left the knife in your bed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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