just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
her vagine was all disorganized.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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