My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
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You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize