I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
