I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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