:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
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The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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