You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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