u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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