She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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