Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
