Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
