If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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