Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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