U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
