I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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