I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
