Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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