HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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