Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
