a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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