If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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