No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm sobbing to NWA
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
