He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
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She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
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Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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