walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
