i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
