I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
