Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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