she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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