Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
