...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
