If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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