Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
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