super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
