thus making me awesome and them whores
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
