Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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