I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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