Where did you get a picture of my penis
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
