totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
