it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
