Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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