Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
