i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
