When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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