VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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