I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
