I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize