Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
