i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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