At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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