i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my sisters under your porch take her home
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
