Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
