just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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