he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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