eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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