You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
