is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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